I have been thinking about the role of confronting the abuser in the recovery from DID and in re-establishing a sense of justice in survivors. It is heart breaking to witness people’s struggle as they work hard to come to terms with the abuse, learn how to manage the triggers, and go through emotional agony as they process the traumatic material while the abuser appears to lead a life that is un-affected by his/her despicable actions.
Take some time and think about the area that you want to address first. Then write down your specific goal and determine the intermediate steps you need to take to achieve your goal. What do you want to achieve in the area of …………..? Put your goal on top of a sheet. Before you can break the goal down into steps that help you stay motivated as you work towards your desired outcome, you need to check out whether your goal is a smart goal, meaning whether it has all the characteristics of a goal that is worthwhile striving for.
Goal setting is a very useful and interesting process. By spending some time to reflect on what you want to achieve in life and writing your thoughts down, you give direction to your life. Having gone through the process of determining how you want you future to be and recording your goals, you provide yourself a very powerful motivational tool. It will give focus to your actions, and will show you the next steps you have to take in order to achieve the outcome you want. Indeed, goal setting can turn your dreams into reality.
It is a well known fact, that relationships loose their fire after a while. The romantic moments, the butterflies in the stomach, the obsessive thinking about the love object, all those exciting feelings that make you feel alive slowly die like a campfire that runs out of wood. Most couples come to accept that, after some years, everything is ‘the same old, same old…’. But does that have to be?
Researcher have studied this topic in great depth and found that there are ways to keep the fire in your relationship alive. They figured that when people do something different, unusual, and exciting, the brain’s reward system starts dispersing dopamine and norepinephrine into the brain. They are the same chemicals that keep firing when you ‘fall in love’.
I find over and over again that people are afraid of conflict. So much so, that when someone does something that goes up their proverbial nose, they don’t say anything, withdraw, count to ten, get over it, or just ignore what just happened. Of course, conflict that is not resolved and goes underground so to speak, often comes out with nasty spats at the other person or even in verbal, physical, emotional, or mental violence. Conflict seems to be the big ugly beast that threatens people’s whole being.A large majority of people avoid conflict at all costs.