The New Zealand media is full at the moment with reports from a horrific child abuse case that cost the life of a little 3 year old girl. It has to stop! It has to stop!I love this song. It's a call to stand up and be counted!
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Month: October 2008
The Beginning of Child Protection
The first child protection laws, the acknowledgment of childhood as worthy of parental protection, marked the beginning of a new form of social relations that was built on emotional support, love, and care. With the beginning of the 12th Century Church moralists, pediatricians, and educationalists started to warn against sexual and physical mistreatment of children. Protective laws, schooling, and child instruction manuals marked the beginning of a historical development that led to the emergence of humanistic, religious, and political revolutions that announced the early stages of our modern times (DeMause, 2002).
Sexual Abuse: A Her&HisStory of Suffering
Research of sexual abuse and child abuse has drawn a chilling picture of the acceptance of sexual abuse over history and the suffering it has caused males and females throughout the world. Rather than occurring as isolated incidents, sexual abuse has been common practice over history. DeMause (2002) suggests it is more accurate to speak of the universality of incest than of a universal incest taboo. DeMause (1998, p. 217) believes that “…child abuse has been humanity’s most powerful and most successful ritual…it has been the cause of war and social violence…and the eradication of child abuse and neglect is the most important social task we face today”.
How To Fire Your Therapist
It is not really that unusual that people are not happy with their therapist. The reasons for that can be anything between A and Z. Clients may feel that their therapist is not enough of this or not enough in that. Therapists may feel that their client is avoiding to engage actively in the therapeutic encounter. Finding out who’s right is in most cases a pretty futile undertaking. Really, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about THE RELATIONSHIP!
Coping With The Uncopable: The Coat
I just read Jae's comment on the 'Confront the Abuser' post and thought I might post a few thoughts about coping strategies:
Like any other coping strategies, not remembering the abuse is a coping strategy designed to keep the person alive and functioning. Some people call these strategies defence mechanisms or avoidance – some might even go as far as talking about denial. That’s all very judgemental and I personally prefer coping strategies. Why you may ask? Because these strategies came about and were adopted to cope with situations that are very very hard to cope with.
DID And The Body: Driving A Courtesy Car
Whenever I bring my car to the garage for service I have to ‘play it right’ to get a courtesy car. I can’t just go and be sure to have one given to me. The usual answer is “…sorry madam, there are no cars left.” I have to put myself into the shoes of the car people to get a courtesy car. For example, I walk around their cars for sale and let drop in passing that I am starting to look for a new car. I usually also mention that “…this is my third car I bought from you people”. More often than not, that’ll get me a courtesy car.
DID And The Body: Driving A Courtesy Car
Whenever I bring my car to the garage for service I have to ‘play it right’ to get a courtesy car. I can’t just go and be sure to have one given to me. The usual answer is “…sorry madam, there are no cars left.” I have to put myself into the shoes of the car people to get a courtesy car. For example, I walk around their cars for sale and let drop in passing that I am starting to look for a new car. I usually also mention that “…this is my third car I bought from you people”. More often than not, that’ll get me a courtesy car.
What Do You Do When You Have To Go To The Hospital?
Having to go to the hospital is unpleasant for most of people – it can be very scary for survivors of sexual abuse. Its not unusual that they avoid seeking medical help out of fear of all the traumatic memories that are stirred up by the thought alone of having to go. This avoidance of course creates a whole new set of health problems that can have a disastrous impact on survivor’s health.
What is so difficult for them? Firstly, they have to deal with their fears that have to do with being out of control and not knowing what to do when they go into panic mode. Coping becomes a real struggle under these circumstances.Secondly they also have to deal with hospitals often not being prepared to deal with the emotional needs survivors have. This is a huge issue for survivors of sexual abuse and I have started to address some of the problems. You’ll find some ideas of how to keep yourself self when you have to go to the hospital in today’s post.
Survivors Going To The Hospital
Going to the hospital is for many people something they don’t do that often. However, survivors of (childhood) abuse have a much greater need for medical care – that’s what research is telling us. (Arnow, 2004; Arnow et al., 1999; Kolk, 1994; Kolk, McFarlane, & Hart, 1996; Rothschild, 2000). That means if you have a history of child (sexual) abuse, you probably have a higher need for medical care and hospitalisation than the ‘average’ person.
I have been asked by a few readers to comment on how to increase safety for these moments when you have to go to hospital. I will share some of my thoughts and experiences in a moment. However, I believe that there are so many capable survivors out there. I would love to hear from you all what you do to make a hospital visit safe for you and your system.
Shattered Reality
A wonderful read for all parents, teachers, counselors …. we need to open our eyes to child sexual assault and help put a stop to this silent epidemic.
He is a master manipulator, our perpetrator, our destroyer of dreams, the one who Shattered our Reality…. This is my story, a mother's story, about the abuse of my daughter and my struggles to over come. I thought I could trust my family members. I thought I knew and could trust the legal system. I was wrong.
As a parent, dealing with my daughter's pain, the hardest part is trying to keep all the pieces of my life from spinning out of control. It's like my life is broken into pieces like a jigsaw puzzle and when I get some of the pieces put together and try to reach for more pieces the first set flies in the opposite direction….I feel like everything is in a state of brokenness…
Readers of Shattered Reality will:
- Realize a deeper understanding on the effects of child abuse not only on the victim but on the family
- Learn that hope is always within reach and others who have been there that can help
- Discover how surviving abuse (even as a parent/caregiver or family member)can become personal strength.
- Gain insights into putting the pieces back together again and reclaiming your rights
- Believe that happiness can be achieved \
Multiple Voices 