One way to understand the creation of parts is to believe that every part of a multiple has been created to help. Even though we don’t quite know the process by which parts are created, we can assume that by creating parts the human survival instinct has somehow found a way to guarantee that the abused child has some help to get through stressful or painful times.
Whether a part was created to hold the anger, to be unaware of the abuse, to love the abuser, or to do what it was told, initially, it must have been vitally important for the child to access the qualities of that part to feel safe in its environment – even if that was a false sense of safety. Dissociated parts allow the child to be able to go to school or to sit at the breakfast table without showing distress about what happened the night before.
While the function of parts may make the difference between survival and total collapse of the child, later on in adulthood these functions and coping mechanism may be totally out of place. It is not unusual for a multiple to have parts that are so alienated and distant that they are perceived as not being part of the system. Such parts are often perceived as obstacles to recovery, as obstacle to coping and getting ahead.
Unfortunately, being seen as ‘not part of the system’ might mean that such an alienated part continuous with its obstructive behaviour, holds on to abuse-based beliefs, and doesn’t interact or rarely interacts with outside people. Thus healing and trauma processing might not take place for that part.
From my experience in my clinical practice it seems to be a fact that parts only grow and develop, change abuse-based beliefs (the abuse never happened, all men are bastards, people are not safe etc.) when they have 'out' time and are in contact with other human beings (like the therapist) or, to a lesser extent, in dialogue with other parts inside. It’s only in relationship and interaction with others can parts change and evolve.
So if you have a part that is not part of your system, it seems to be pretty alienated from everyone else. What a sad picture! By not being in contact with anyone, it cannot change its view, it cannot evolve, it cannot see what other parts have seen. Instead it is frozen in time and acts as if you are still a little girl that needs protection from the abuse.
For recovery and healing to progress, you have to find a way to connect with that part.