Category Archives: Attachment

Discounting the Past

Today I would like to respond to comments made earlier this month on the ‘home’ page here. My first impulse was being saddened by the confusion and despair readers felt by some of my latest post. However, it didn’t take long for me to get excited. Every time someone presents a challenge it gives me – …

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Always Looking Through The Rear-View Mirrow

Someone asked me yesterday whether there is some therapeutic benefit to telling a client what they went through wasn’t that bad and others had is worse.  My first reaction was to shake my head. Who would say something like that to a person unless there is an intention to hurt? It sounds so puntive and discounting …

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Strong Feelings of Connection in Therapy

A wee while ago I have been asked " I don't understand how it is that I (and so many others I assume), can feel such a strong connection to a therapist when we only see each other one hour a week.  There is nothing I have read that says this is or is not healthy and …

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How To Have A Happy Childhood?

One of my favourite sayings is “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”. This is particularly true for survivors of sexual abuse. When you are a survivor and you struggle to function in daily life, you missed out on the vital ingredients to a happy childhood: emotional support, care, respect, appreciation, and age …

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Confronting the Abuser

I have been thinking about the role of confronting the abuser in the recovery from DID and in re-establishing a sense of justice in survivors. It is heart breaking to witness people’s struggle as they work hard to come to terms with the abuse, learn how to manage the triggers, and go through emotional agony …

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How to Nurture your Relationships?

It is a well known fact, that relationships loose their fire after a while.  The romantic moments, the butterflies in the stomach, the obsessive thinking about the love object, all those exciting feelings that make you feel alive slowly die like a campfire that runs out of wood. Most couples come to accept that, after …

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Finding the Right Therapist

How do you know that you have found the right therapist or counsellor? Wouldn’t it be ideal to have a check-list that you can tick off when you set out to find a therapist? Sadly, it doesn’t work like that. I spent years of researching how services shape the recovery from sexual abuse; and here is what I found out:

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Relationships Role in the Treatment of DID

Just the other day I was reminded of people’s strange conception about the therapeutic relationship. Books that discuss psychotherapy and counselling often emphasise that the therapeutic relationship is the most important tool in recovery. And indeed, hundreds of research studies confirm that. I listened to a counsellor who talked about ‘using’ the therapeutic relationship in …

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Taking Risks in Relating

Rather than focusing on the processing of trauma, the therapeutic relationship became a place of practicing and exploring how to relate. Not only did the relationship with the therapist become the blueprint for other relationships, therapy sessions were also a place for feedback and guidance.  Clients now needed to test themselves and other people by …

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Attachment and Trauma: Who’s to Blame?

Often clients chose to isolate themselves because they feel intrinsically bad and responsible for the abuse.This sense of inner badness is the result of the child’s attempt to make meaning out of the abuse. By assigning responsibility for the abuse to their own badness survivors are able to view their parents as good people. It …

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