This is a lovely 14 minute clip of Eleanor Longden describing her journey from a perceived madness to recovery. Besides any doubts we may have of her diagnosis of schizophrenia, her process of recovery sounds very much like recovery from DID. Take care, take faith, and take hope.
Tag: treatment
Right or Wrong?
My post about ‘Discounting the Past’ has generated comments that got me thinking about the nature of human existence. Let’s start with the biological fact that none of us is capable of experiencing a reality ‘out there’ that is shaped and made meaning of independently from what is already ‘in here’. “In Here” meaning our mental filters that consist of personal history, beliefs, values, gender, education, energy, and many more in addition to mental processes of deletion, distortion, and generalisation which our brain does automatically.
This means what’s real to me will be different to what’s real to you because you have different ‘stuff’ in your head. Hence the notion of different realities people operate from!
That means whatever we observe in the world around us can never be separated from the person that does the observing. There is no such thing as objectivity. Taking the example of doing research: the simple process of researching is already changing the subject that is investigated. Foucault did a great experiment that highlighted how people change their behaviours when they know they are observed. There is no such thing as objective research because choice of subjects, research design, way of questioning, way of interpreting the data etc. will already influence the outcome. That’s why there is no such thing as ‘research has proven’ because for every finding made there will be an equal amount of research that proves the opposite.
Does that mean that PTSD research is wrong? It may be, it may be not. It’s like the Dodo verdict from Alice in Wonderland: Everybody wins, everybody deserves a price! It all depends on where you stand. There is no right or wrong. Who am I to say that my reality is better or ‘righter’ than yours? I am simply sharing my truth – at this moment in time. The reader does not have to agree with me. If my posts have stirred up things, that’s good, I suppose. It gives people the opportunity to reflect on what this ‘being stirred up’ is all about.
Thinking about recovery from childhood sexual abuse within the framework of the 3 Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness, whereby the focus is on the innate, unbreakable health present in each person that can be accessed once we become conscious of our negative thinking about ourselves and our lives and let go of that mode of thinking, makes a lot of common sense to me. It holds a lot of hope and the promise of regaining control of one’s life. Please, don’t take these 4 lines as a ‘treatment approach’, rather look at what my words are pointing at.
Is processing trauma for years better or worse than ‘leaving it alone’? Who’s to know. The proof really is in the pudding, as they say. If it works for the individual to go deeply into revisiting the past, if it makes life easier, if it makes people’s life more joyful, then there is your answer. If life remains difficult with numerous hospital admissions, suicidal thoughts, low self-worth, frequent anxiety attacks, long depressive episodes, isolation, and little joy it might be worthwhile to try on the ‘leaving it alone’ approach. See what happens when you take a holiday from your problems! The good news is that every survivor can find out for him or herself. There are several links in the sidebar of my website of sites that offer resources about the application of the 3 Principle understanding. Have a look around! If you like what you see and would like to explore this concept for your recovery, you can also contact me.
I Can’t Trust My Memories
Upon the Sharon Armstrong post from a wee while ago where I talked about NLP and eye accessing cues that can indicate whether a person is remembering or is constructing a memory, I received an email from a reader asking whether there would be a way for her to know whether she is making up what she has been telling her therapist. I have heard over the years from so many survivors that they find it hard to believe that they have been abused.
Firstly, there is a difference whether you make statements to justify or explain the fact that you were recently caught with Cocaine or whether you talk about something that happened many decades ago in your childhood. Memories are not set in concrete like the content of a printer’s typeset drawer. They are subject to change over the years, some parts get ‘trimmed off’ and other parts get ‘added’ depending on what you do when you re-visit a memory.
Secondly, if you don’t believe that you have been abused, if you doubt your thoughts, wouldn’t it be a good idea to examine why it is important for you to know whether you have or have not been abused and to what extend? And thirdly, whatever the past trauma was, isn’t it important today to deal with the legacies of the trauma (depression, anxiety, stress, low self-confidence, poor social skills, dissociation, and overall poor self-relations) and re-build a healthy, happy, and balanced sense of self?
I think these are great questions to ask and work through with your therapist when you are not quite sure what it is that you are doing. Your therapist can give you an outside perspective that, together with your inside wonderings will hopefully form a picture that gives you peace of mind.
Do Sexual Abuse Survivors Need Therapy?
I have been asked the other day whether
people need to go to a psychotherapist or counsellor to recover from
sexual abuse. I think that is a really good question. Does a person
need therapy to heal? I don't think it is necessary to go to a
psychotherapist or counsellor. However, they need something because
there is little evidence that people heal 'naturally' meaning by itself
just through time passing.
What do survivors of sexual abuse need to recover? Human beings,
like all mammals, depend on other's to help regulate emotional and
physical states. Babies depend completely on others for state
regulation. Growing up people can do it more and more for themselves –
if they have good enough caregiver/parents. However, people are never
completely able to regulate their states by themselves. That's where
chat rooms, face book groups and other social networks on and off line
are coming in. People need people who care, listen, understand, and are
supportive.
Self-Harm: Blog Carnival June 2009 Edition
Welcome to the June 2009 edition of recovery from childhood sexual abuse.
This edition was dedicated to exploring Self-Harm. Some of the contributions are directly about self-harm, others are about coping skills to help people not to harm themselves. As always, a
special THANK YOU to all readers for their contributions. I trust you
will
have an interesting read and I am looking forward reading your feedback
if you have any!
Suicidal Feelings posted at Befrienders Worldwide, saying We are born with the ability to take our own lives. Each year a
million people make that choice. Even in societies where suicide is
illegal or taboo, people still kill themselves. For many people
who feel suicidal, there seems to be no other way out. Death describes
their world at that moment and the strength of their suicidal feelings
should not be under-estimated – they are real and powerful and
immediate. There are no magic cures.
Self-harm (Self-Injury) posted at Befrienders Worldwide, saying People
harm themselves in many ways, including cutting or burning, pulling out
hair, hitting their bodies against something, drinking heavily or
taking excessive amounts of drugs which can lead to an overdose.
There
are many reasons why people self harm and the meaning for each person
is unique but it is very often a way of dealing with very difficult
thoughts and feelings and is often kept secret.
Self-harm and your relationships posted at TheSite.Org, saying Self-harm can be difficult for friends, family and even professionals
to accept. TheSite.org looks at how relationships with people in your
life might be affected and gives you suggestions for dealing with it.
Sexual Assault Awareness posted at Let's Talk about Race. saying When my intern first suggested I write a post in April about this being Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, I thought, “Yeah, I can do that.” I started the research and found information and statistics. But nothing was clicking in my head to write about. Then I started thinking about my own childhood and victimization.
Trapped Within my Body posted at Survivor's Revolution, saying I have never felt like my body was mine. For the majority of my life it
really wasn't. It was just something I put up with while other people
did as they pleased. Its no surprise that when things really got out of
control, I started cutting myself.
Letters to My Therapist (2007/2008) posted at Secret Shadows, saying, "This is a series of posts consisting of emails sent to my therapist during my recovery from sexual abuse. The posts are listed in chronological order and cover many topics that present themselves during the course of therapy."
Letters to My Therapist (2009) « Secret Shadows posted at Secret Shadows, saying, "This post contains several entries consisting of email correspondences to my therapist during my treatment from sexual abuse. These are NOT posted in chronological order. These are posted in reverse. To read in chronological order, scroll to read the last one first. The posts reflect a variety of topics relevant to recovery from sexual abuse."
Art Therapy posted at Secret Shadows, saying, "Art Therapy has been very helpful to me during my recovery from sexual abuse. Art was my voice when I couldn't find it. This link will take you to all my posts listed under the category "Art Therapy"."
Bloom Where You're Planted posted at Secret Shadows. saying t is not what happens to us that maps out our life. It’s not the cards we’re dealt. Instead, it’s what we do with that that creates our life. It’s how we choose to play those cards that matters most. What happens to us, happens to us. What we choose to do with that, makes us who we are.
25 Ways to Avoid Self-Injury and Prevent Self-Harm « Discussing Dissociation posted at Discussing Dissociation, saying, "Thanks heaps for including my first submission to your April blog carnival — I appreciate that!
I am including an article for the Self-Harm category. This list of helpful ideas was compiled as a combined effort from a group of survivors who struggle with self-harm. I encourage survivors to try as many things from the list as they need to, one after another, until they can reach a place of safety.
Thanks again,
Kathy Broady
(aka Kathy_B_from_AC on twitter)"
25 More Ways to Avoid Self-Injury and Prevent Self-Harm « Discussing Dissociation posted at Discussing Dissociation, saying, "Hi, it's Kathy Broady again.
This is the second article also related to self-harm. It is actually a continuation of the first article I just submitted to you. I don't know if you will / can accept two articles, but they were both created from the same group of survivors who struggled with self-harm. There are no repeats of ideas. Each list of 25 is unique to the other.
Thanks for your consideration of these articles,
Kathy
(aka Kathy_B_from_AC on twitter)"
100+ Ways to Spring Clean Your Mind and Body posted at Surgical Technician Schools. saying meditation is a mental discipline in which the individual uses simple mental exercises to enter a deeper state of relaxation or awareness. Anyone looking to cleanse their mind would do well to follow one or more of the meditation practices listed below.
That concludes this edition. The next edition is dedicated to exploring SEXUAL ABUSE AND THE BODY. Submit your blog article to the next edition of
recovery from childhood sexual abuse
using our
carnival submission form.
Past posts and future hosts can be found on our
blog carnival index page.
Avoidance or Self-Care?
Have you ever thought about when you are avoiding and when you do 'self-care'?. It's a fine line, isn't it? A whole industry is concerned with distress tolerance and emotional regulation skills. The most commonly known are the Linehan DBT skills. They teach you to use such as
Partner in Recovery
Although sexual abuse is a huge problem that affects one out of four females and one out of six males, less than 10% of survivors contact services for help. Some may not need help, some may not want help. Others may not know how to go about getting help or they don’t feel able to go and see a therapist. Lots of people battle in isolation with the impact of their past.
You don’t have to do it alone!
Do you struggle with
-
Loneliness
- Low Self-Confidence
- Flashbacks
- Sleep Problems
- Depression, Anxiety, Phobias
- Dissociation, Derealisation
- Lack of Trust
- Relationship Problems?
- Is you answer YES to the above questions?
- Then Sexual Abuse Help is just right for you!
Don’t struggle in isolation searching for answers, wishing for someone … anyone to come along who understands you. Join the Sexual Abuse Help community today! Here you don’t have to explain yourself, hide parts of yourself, or convince us of anything. We know where you are coming from. Relax and enjoy the support of fellow survivors!
How I Came To Know About Recovery From Sexual Abuse?
Being a survivor myself and having had progressed well in my own recovery, I became very interested in understanding sexual abuse during my training as a psychotherapist. It was to my great surprise that very little information and training about sexual abuse was available for budding therapists.
Living far away in New Zealand did make access to training even more difficult. I took every opportunity to study the masters in trauma-therapy and sexual abuse. I went to their workshops, read their books, and watched their videos. Bessel van der Kolk, John Briere, Collin Ross, Charlotte Dallenberg, Judith Herman, Richard Dr. Gudrun Frerichs Kluft, Putname, and James Chu became my teachers and inspiration.
In my almost 20 years of experience as psychotherapist in private practice I have assisted many survivors of sexual abuse on their journey towards recovery. For many, therapy became the safe haven where they felt safe enough to talk about their past experiences of sexual abuse. Here they shared their hurt feelings from not being loved and cared for in the way they needed, about being betrayed and losing trust in people, and about feeling responsible for the abuse. They talked about feeling out of control and not trusting themselves, about their shame and guilt, about their hopelessness, and about their sense of powerlessness and victimisation.
I did not have to think long when I had to choose research topics for my degrees. Of course I was going to focus on sexual abuse. It has always surprised me that a large amount of literature describes the recovery from sexual abuse from the health professional’s perspective.
My interest has always been to give survivors a voice. Surely, they would have to be the experts when it comes to describing what works and what didn’t! Hence my first research has uncovered how clients with dissociative disorders handle therapy, what works for them and what didn’t. Most of the body of this research can be found on my blog Multiple Voices
My second research revealed how services shape the recovery from sexual abuse, outlining clearly what hindered recovery and what was helpful. That knowledge combined with my personal experiences and my experiences from my clinical practice will be shown here on the Sexual Abuse Help Site.
From surveys and encouraging responses to my Multiple Voices Blog I know that survivors have been looking out for information that reflects their lived experiences, and for opportunities of networking with each other in a safe environment. The Sexual Abuse Help Blog is the product of survivors’ feedback, survivors responses, survivors needs, and knowledge accumulated over 2 decades of study and practice.
Do you want to
-
Have support in putting the abusive past behind you?
- Have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-respect?
- Know that you are not going crazy?
- Have meaningful relationships?
- Feel being part of your community?
- Step out of the shadows of the past?
- Build a bright future?
Imagine how great you will feel when you see that you are on the pathway of recovery and that your dreams can come true? Think about all the things you will be able to do when you learn in the company of other survivors how to develop the skills and the confidence to succeed in your recovery.
Get Support, Community, Inspiration, Knowledge, and Skills.
Become a Partner in Recovery!
At Sexual Abuse Help you get each month new information, hot tips, interesting videos, and proven steps for your recovery. These will come in the form of new pages or posts that you can access as often and for as long as you wish or need to.
-
You will learn how to create emotional safety
- You will discover easy techniques to keep healthy boundaries
- Develop strategies for distress tolerance
- Understand how sexual abuse has impacted on you
- Learn four effective steps for conflict management
- Discover how to communicate effectively
- Understand the need to stretch outside your comfort zone
- Develop skills for successful relationships
- Learn how to build a positive mindset
- Learn skills that increase your resilience to stress
- Discover an easy model to understand your reaction to others
- Find out how you can accurately determine how others treat you
- Develop your ability to identity dysfunctional dynamics
- Learn effective ways to stay out of dysfunctional dynamics
- Discover proven ways to increase your self-confidence
- Find ways of nurturing your creativity
- Connect with other survivors to give and receive support
- Learn about skills that help you with assertiveness
- Discover how to ask for your needs
- Find out that you are valued and appreciated by others
But we don’t just stop there. In Addition to all the resources listed above – and you can be sure to get access to plenty of material, self-help exercises, and lots of eye-opening reading material – we have looked for other ways readers can connect with each other to give and get support.
Check out what we have in store:
- We have set up a secret facebook group for a membership forum. It called secret group because the group is not mentioned on people’s profile and membership is only possible through invitation by me. If you would like to become a member, you have to have a facebook profile … it doesn’t have to have any information about you that would compromise your confidentiality … and then you must invite me to be your friend mentioning that you would like to join the sexual abuse help membership group. I will then be able to sign you in. People can join anytime and if they don’t want to be a member any longer, un-join with the click of a button. No hassle at all! At the moment membership is free. This might change in the future and depends on the amount of work involved. I might charge a small fee – in that case I will give people ample warning.
- Every month you will have the opportunity to receive a new episode of an audio-recovery-seminar with Dr. Gudrun Frerichs where we address a particular recovery issue and answer your burning questions about abuse and recovery that you can submit prior to recording. These seminars are recorded and you can download the MP3 file. These seminars start in October 2008.
- We will set up an art gallery. Our vision is that members use this feature to share and exhibit their artwork.
- We will also set up a video gallery that features material from leading trauma specialists, selected videos from the internet, and videos produced by our very own members.
One caution here: We will not ‘Do Therapy’.
This site is purely for support, help, information, and developing community.
That doesn’t mean being a part of the community and enjoying the connections and the benefits is not therapeutic. I guarantee it is!
Sign up here NOW to express your interest in becoming part of the SEXUAL ABUSE HELP SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY!
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5th Step to Happiness: Random Acts of Kindness
Hello again! It took me a while to find my way back into writing for the blog. Even with the best intentions, sometimes life takes over and 6 weeks have passed. I better get my act together or I won't be able to finish all ten steps before the year has passed.
By the way, how is it going with the previous four steps? Are you still on track doing them regularly or did life took over for you as well? As I said before, happiness is not a thing people just have. It's a discipline! You have to work for it … and some have to work harder for it than others to compensate for 'them depressive genes'. I guess, it's a bit like brushing teeth. It's just not helping to keep plaque at bay brushing only once in a while. Twice a day, I think is the standing recommendation. There you have it!
Relationships Role in the Treatment of DID
Just the other day I was reminded of people’s strange conception about the therapeutic relationship. Books that discuss psychotherapy and counselling often emphasise that the therapeutic relationship is the most important tool in recovery. And indeed, hundreds of research studies confirm that. I listened to a counsellor who talked about ‘using’ the therapeutic relationship in this and the other way. It sounded like the therapeutic relationship was a shovel in the corner of the counsellors room, which ever now and so often was picked up and ‘used’ to hit the client therapeutically.
Oh dear, oh dear. I think the therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect of the recovery from Dissociative Identity Disorder. But how does it work? What kind of relationship do therapist and client need to develop together for healing to occur, and how exactly does healing then occur?
DID Treatment: Practical Steps Towards Happiness
Here are the promised 'Happiness Exercises'. Why do I call them that? Because research has shown that when you do these exercises regularly, you will feel better. Not only that, your sense of improved well-being and happiness lasts for many months after having done the exercises. Although the research has not been done with people who have multiple personalities, or more correctly dissociative identity disorder, I reckon it can't hurt to do them anyhow. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Multiple Voices 