Trusting Self and Others

Happy Child The crucial condition under which MAKING HUMAN CONTACT became possible was Repairing Broken Trust. While having dealt with trust issues in the early stages already, they again formed a pivotal part in this phase. Trusting oneself as well as trusting others had to be revisited and reworked. Herman states that by having established a safe haven through therapy “the person is gradually able to expand the level of contact with the wider community” (1992, p. 162). Clients started to engage with other people and to form relationships.

Repairing Broken Trust involved building trust in the self. Clients needed to trust their own intuition, their own judgment of other people, their judgment of themselves, and their ability to be able to let down the walls that protected them. To do so was a great effort. Expectations regarding other people had to be changed. Clients had to come to a point where they did not automatically expect to be hurt intentionally by another person.

In order for connections to occur properly I had to have acceptance, acceptance of myself and acceptance of other people (Carol 3/1).

For me to be able to have human contact, I needed to understand that I had put the walls there to survive. I needed the trust in myself that I could do it. From letting the internal walls down I learnt that connecting is empowering. That helped. To become aware that I could move them, that I could extend them (Katherine 3/1).

If human contact was to be re-established and broken trust repaired, clients needed to have contact with others. Their need to be with other people, the need for human connection, and “the hunger to be loved” (Krista) was the driving force to slowly allow connections to take place and to overcome inbuilt automatic responses of withdrawal. Once clients acknowledged their need for human contact, they went about finding ways to meet that need.  This need had been described by clients as a powerful force that, once it surfaced, was stronger than their fears. It allowed them to take risks and start to connect with other people.

But I’ve got a hunger, a hunger to be loved and to be treated like anybody else with respect and caring and all those things (Krista).

…that urge for human contact outside the walls of my invisible prison; it was only when I no longer felt so isolated that I no longer needed therapeutic contact in that context (Mona 3/1).

5 thoughts on “Trusting Self and Others

  1. no body says:

    turned out it wasnt safe was it and people wernt good to them it broke the ones we had on here to talk to and they never came back now some people have no one ever to talk to now and you just cant trust some poeple this hol e place just broke down because people just yelleed at each other and just pushed there way in and sttamped on people. and the names got taken from them to and tricked us sometimes. till we new that it wasnt really the same person

  2. Jessica says:

    Thanks Sophie, I know that this site is a good way to just write whatever one feels and not be judged because I’m sure that everyone has Had similar feelings and been in the same difficult places at times in their lives. It is just another adjustment I am making and I have to work it out with all my parts to make sure they all feel safe and ok about being aired on this site.

  3. Sophie says:

    Jessica
    Kerri often spoke on the way home after group about having a site that we all could communicate on, especially in those times when we are feeling we need the support of the group. I have found that reading many of the posts and blogs here has been a little bit like the group . I feel a connection -i hope you can allow a little light in and keep the window open. Take care – aroha Sophie

  4. Sophie says:

    Jessica please dont be ashamed or embarrased about what you write on here, many of the things you have written are what many of us are grappling with. This is a safe place for me and i value a lot of what you have said. I have had many moments of not feeling so alone with the issues I have when I have read your thoughts and comments. I visit this site often and it’s good to know you are part of it. I havent felt brave enough to comment before – but I have admired your honesty and am inspired by your understanding of yourself. I feel upset that I had a part in your ‘exposure’.

  5. Jessica says:

    I don’t know that I’m comfortable writing on here now that I know some of the others who share their innermost thoughts here and I with them. I began here because of the annonimity and now those walls are being replaced with windows and we know each other, our secret is outand now and I don’t see the point of this because I may be ashamed or embarrased about what I write and that people will know. I wish I was never known on here. I am afraid of what I may have said or will want to say, being now attached to ‘me’, especially when half the time I don’t even know who ‘me’ is. Perhaps our shared cataclysmic event of loosing a friend has changed the whole face of things. I don’t know if I am ready for such exposure.

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